Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everyone!!

First note, I feel awful for missing 1221 this year!  It seemed like we accidentally, uniformly went about our normal daily lives this year.  I remember I felt very disoriented that day, but just couldn't figure out why.  I think it's because it was also Karen's birthday so I just dismissed it.  5 years ago on December 21, we agreed that regardless where the 5 of us may be, regardless how busy we were, we would place the world aside and reunite for one day.  We'll make it up somehow~

I had the worst birthday in history last month and my holidays have been ruined this month.  All by the same person.  I am not entirely sure why I'm still here with this person.  I'm pretty sure I cannot spend my life with someone who only thinks about himself, only cares about himself.  He wants to be lied to, and that's how it'll be.  For everyone else, I wish them a very Merry Christmas.

*Updated 12.26.09 at 5 PM*
So what did I end up doing for my lovely Christmas?  I spent six and half hours watching nonsense television waiting for him to do SOMETHING. nothing, he fell asleep.. twice.  He didn't even bother to attempt to make a nice dinner, just some random stuff, and suggested to watch a movie after??  Like watching six and half hours wasn't enough, we had to go pay to watch MORE?  Ridiculous.  I got fed up pretty soon after that and called Yen out.  We went to Boston Bowl to fool around in the arcade and Megatouch, which is still better than just sitting on my ass in front of the television.  We hung out for about three/four hours and called it a day.  Lovely Christmas, wasn't it?  Should I thank him for giving me the most memorable holidays?

I've been drifting further and further away from this blog.  It's not something I would like to do.  I've been copying some really old letters for my psych boss of her mother and it's made me realize that I should keep writing so that one day my daughter can look back and discover how her mother was when she was young.  It may not be as priceless as handwriting everything, but at least there's still something.

I sent in my application to UCLA today.  I don't think I will be accepted given the low score on my GRE's but it was worth a shot.  My dream school is still California State University, Long Beach because though it may not have the high class name, it has the exact program that I want to specialize in that UCLA doesn't have.  The best thing about it is that it doesn't seem too too hard to get into which is good since I've never been academic-exceller.  One more month and I can submit that application in too.  This is it, I'm growing up.

This past birthday was one of the most heart-breaking birthdays I've ever had.  I've always noticed a pattern that nothing ever goes right on my birthday, but this was one of the most depressing birthdays I've had.  I remember the first time I noticed this was in first grade where my table at lunch got punished for throwing food to another table even when I had nothing to do with it.  I've almost always cried on my birthdays, but this year was just too much.  In the past, bad things tend to occur on my birthdays, but they were never from the people close to me.  We had a fight a couple days before my birthday and he almost left for NYC without me!  I had to beg my way back to his good side and apologize for stuff that was not even part of our argument.  Throughout the past couple months, I wondered how much I would be willing to give for this man, but after this day, I realized that there is absolutely no part of him that would be able to stop me from leaving next fall.  He had once said to me, "if I cannot change your mind to stay in Boston, then I am not good enough."  He's right.

This will be the first Thanksgiving that I will not be spending with anyone close to me.  I've been thinking about why that is.  Well, in the past, there would be two places where I would be having Thanksgiving dinner:  at my boyfriend's with his family or at a very dear friend's house.  Here's just more reasons why this man is not worth me giving up LA for - he's spending it with others and never thought to invite me.  In addition, I've purposely cut off my connection with this dear friend because I finally discovered the truth underneath layers and layers of lies.  It was very heartbreaking to find out, especially when I've always looked up to her as an older sister.  But it's ok, I've been much happier since I've cut off this connection.